Man, let it get even better. Well, i am ready to give up. I am. It is impossible. With all the changes going on, i ask for one sign. One sentence. And i cant get it. I know i get selfish about it. Well...some of you will be happy to here, that i may be gone by summer time. Due to certain things happening, i may be moving to the other side of Georgia. Dad went and looked at the house yesterday. So...thats like, 2 weeks? Yea...talk about stuff i dont want to face...man...2 weeks possibly...probably a little more...sigh. Oh well.

Well, this has been the worst week of my life. I guess i can say, i didnt drag across the rocks today, because at least i got to talk to her...man...days one and two, were a year apart...days two and three...like 3 weeks...scary....anyways...i am horrible. I miss my best friend. And i cant do anything. I was going to come last night, but...well, i tried to call at like 3 i think, or a little later...anyways...i didnt want to just show up...it was a big night for the seniors....anyways...Whit...Kingdom Hearts 2 is worth buying...anyways...from the original one "f", i miss you baby. Anyways...later guys.

Congradulations Seniors.

Well, i lost her. I was fighting with her, but FOR us. I was trying to work out all of the things that were wrong. They are always the same things. But, now she never wants to talk again. I fucked up for the final time. And, it hurts. A lot more than i thought it could ever hurt. I was pissed last night, and i went to a party. It was fun, but i was a jerk to everyone there...and i left about 4 this morning, and i got home...i dunno, i just sat here. I was feeling stupid, because before i left, i called her about 30 times. I was determined we were gonna work through it. But, she wanted to talk to someone else, so. I was the lesser of the two. We hadnt talked all day. We havent talked at all all week. And she wanted to call someone else. I guess i deserve it. I treat her like shit. I dont care the way i used to, well, showing it at least. it is so hard to, because all i can think about, is that i have always cared like that, and she broke up with me, so i must not care good enough. I know that is dumb...anyways. All i know, is i lost my first true friend last night, and it is 100% my fault...and now, the day after yesterday...i have to figure out a way to deal with it....this is killing me....

Well...lets update. My last update was a little heated. But, i didnt delete it. I may have screened it...anyways. This has been a week. Everything that has gone wrong, should not have. And the one thing that should be going good, isnt. Of course...that is the way it goes...it is good for a month, and then arguing...things would be so much better, if i had just grit my teeth, and stayed in Ashville. But, cant change that now. Anyways, i am gonna go. I wanna talk to you. I want to say some stuff.

Damn it....today and early last night, adds up to commiting suicide. Early last night sucked so bad, i couldnt begin to explain it. And it got worse today. She told me, that she had never invited me, because of him. But, she invited him. And that hurt really really bad. But, then everything else happened. And i cant talk about it on here. But, i cant talk to her about it, because i will tell her how i really feel about a few things, and that is just gonna hurt. But fuck it. Fuck it all. Let me just end it. End it all.

Well.....okay, lets do it this way. Have you ever heard something....well, no. I have you ever wanted do do something, but the person you wanted it do it with, said no. Well...they didnt say no....but, they made it clear that it would be better if you didnt go. And, at the time, the reason was hurtful, but understandable....well, the reason was just mentioned on the phone....anyways, but later...well. Nevermind. I am just really hurt, and i shouldnt be. I know that i should not care. It shouldnt be a big deal, but to me it is. Because i am told all the time that this cant happen, or that cant happen, because of stuff that i have done in my past. But, fuck it. I cant help it, im not even allowed to talk about it, because "everything" makes me mad, and i bitch about worthless things. So, i cant bitch. I have to deal. And it sucks. But, whatever. I dont know. I dont know why it bothers me. Yea i do. Because they told me no, and told him yes. Actually....well, fuck it, it doesnt matter. I am gonna go. Me and dad may go to the driving range. I need to release some tension.

Well, today was an awesome day. I got to talk to Jayme last night, and we havent been able to talk in about a week, because she has been working so much. But, it worked out, me andher, and maybe April, are going to a movie tonight. At 11:45. We are going to see Scary Movie 4. I am pumped about it. But,i will be out late. But, anyways, today, i got offered a second job, working at night, and i am going to almost quadrupal my weekly pay, and i am stocked about that. Super stocked. I am just really happy, that my work goes noticed. I didnt think anyone cared, they just thought i was any old helper. but, they came to me first. so i am excited. But, anyways, i aint gonne get to talk to Tiffany much, and that is always depressing, but i hope that we will get to talk a little bit more at least. I miss her. But, i cant help busy schedules. I hope Nic Nick wins...and i hope Matthew kicks that other little fag's butt. My mood as been picked up, but i am kinda lingering on some other stuff....i dont want this to wear off. I hope hanging out with friends tonight, is going to cure me for a while...but i get the feeling, that tomorrow night (hopefully) is what is going to do it. I really need a hug. A special kind of hug. I am gonna go. Later guys.

Well, i have had a good day. i got to work until 5:30, which is awesome. I am pretty tired, i didnt sleep last night. A lot weighing on my mind, that is still there. All my friends...look....thanks for all yall have ever done for me. I mean, i know i only talk to about 3 of you regularly now, but...i appreciate all of you. Laura, for making me smile when u sing. Ashley, for a game, that never seems to end. Jake, for actually leaving me without a comeback. Brandon, for being an alien. Whitney, for being my doughnut. Andrew....well....thanks for, you know. Tiffany. Thank you. For giving me hope when i had none. For opening closed doors. For loving me unconditionally. I have never been as good to you as you deserve. Honestly, noone will ever be that good. But, i have tried my best, to do the level best i could. Thank you, for being MY superhero. Thank you....thank you. I dont really know what is gonna happen in the next little while with life....things could get really sad, for some. Others, may not be bothered. But....it is good to know, the one person tat knows what i am talking about, seemed very scared about the news....i am glad to know how this person feels. Anyways....just, whatever happens, you are all great. Hatley, thanks for keeping me alive with Nikki in the mall taht day. Nikki, thanks for being there, longer tahn anyone else, since 10th grade, through Jennifer, and all that. Haden, thanks for the blow jo......well. Anyways, i have said to much. Later guys.

Current Mood: contemplative

well....i kinda feel dumb.....Tom jsut posted a bulletin, saying that the top 8 is under maintenice. so...i feel stupid.